Tarra-da da!!

I do not like playing victim. I'd much rather play indifferent. Sorry, did i say 'play'? I would much rather be indifferent. I think its the easier option anyway.
College was so much fun today. The surprising kind of fun. The not-expecting-it-to-be-fun kind of fun. Could have a bit to do with the fact that there werent any classes. But also the weather.sitting under the tree.listening to music.talking.real-talk, not small-talk.Delights.muriwala.school kids running about.Zen.
It would be much easier if all issues could be solved through some sort of a sport. Once you are out there, sweating it out, really, nothing matters. That drive is so missing. Its like, ok i would like to win, but whatever, even if i dont. Out there, suddenly it isnt about the winning either, but atleast there isnt a whatever. No whatever whatsoever. Whatever is the saddest thing in life. Not terrorism. But whatever.
I hate this growing up feeling. Its too blatantly staring me in the face. And if i ever hear another "...but thats life!" in another 2 days, i will seriously lose it. Sure u philosophic guru, u have life all figured out, defined and tied with strings in a brown paper bag (coz plastic is toxic!), but i havent, so let me just do it myself will you?? From everything, to the figuring out, to choosing the paper bag. I shall have blue if i want, and thats that!
Maths, i need maths back in my life. And i need to go back to being good at it. Which..is a pretty long way back to be going.
And i really want to say sorry to somebody, who probably wont even be seeing this blog. I know you want to help, and i know how hard you try. And i'm sorry. For being me.