Tomato Soup and Murgi'r Jhol.

Sometimes you wonder how little things can make such a big difference. Like this picture i saw of my grandmother taken quite a few years ago. It was not particularly subtle, with a bright studio seashore scene set up, and she had this intense look on her face as if someone had told her that if she smiled, the world would end. So she had her eyes screwed up, and her forehead wrinkled--and she didnt look like my grandmother at all. Its funny, because everything else was so familiar, the clothes she was wearing, and even her spectacle frames. But she was not my grandmother in the picture. It felt a little weird, and even a little sad. Like she was someone on her own. And all these years she had just been my grandmother (and other people's mother and wife and sister and aunt) and not much else.
I cant make up my mind about the picture, as in, whether i like it or not. And i cant get over it either.

So anyway, people everywhere are trying to make up my mind for me. On every possible issue. Sometimes i think it would be so much easier to go with the flow. But but but... the stars get in the way. I just dscovered a few days back that my lunar descendant is Leo. And i seem to inevitably end up with the worst of both. What a laugh this is.
Speaking of stars, i got tarot card readings. Oh and inevitably again, whatever card i picked ended up being a slutty high priestess with enormous endowments. (Sigh!) So anyway, the cards hinted that i might meet someone new in the future, which is a good thing as i am tired of recycling people in my life. Oh, and it is also most probable that i might be the first to 'get some' and soon! Which leaves me to wonder if this is going to be another round of recyclement (yes i know thats not a real word).

I dont want to 'get some'!! I want excitement, and intelligent conversation, and lots of laughter, and butterflies in my stomach, and funnyquigglyfeelings, and corny sms, and meaningless phone calls, and giggling, and surreptitious glances, and bunches of wildflowers, and long walks in the evenings, and handwritten letters, and balloons and watercloured pictures, and random memories, and waterfall picnics, and redwinehighs, and bleary eyed mornings, and...

And there is and can never be any end to human want.

And so we sail on...tide against current, or some such thing. What a bitch the world can be sometimes.