Sunday, September 23, 2007

Tomorrow i exit civilization (apparently)
But didnt someone say that this wasnt the place to discuss existentialist philosophy?
Obviously im not tuned in enough.
What to do?
Im influenced very easily, linguistically speaking. When you meet me next you shall know what i'm talking about. Quite literally. Just don't hate me okay, i'm only human, only less so.
So, anyway i'm not doing anything i should be doing. Come to think of it, i'm not doing anything i shouldn't be doing either. What am i doing again? Ah, there is that question again. No discussion, sorry madam.
So anyway, the last two weeks or so have been a little disoriented. Like, how do i explain? I thought and felt adult but then i wasnt really. A fine ride happened instead. What a fun!
I need to start going to the gym again, or playing or something. There's too much wasted energy thats heading straight for the head. Not nice.
Someone once said-No good can come of this.
Profound. And how true.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

If i could, i swear I'd try writing a little everyday. Maybe just a paragraph or something. Its a part of me I try to remain in touch with. I mean, how difficult can it be? I've been writing for as long as i can remember. The queen of the not-passers, that was me, yes.
The thing is, when i write, I can hear myself think. Its very soft nowadays, very very soft, but its there nevertheless, and I do hear it. When I don't...theres just an uncomfortable silence. And thats not very nice. Silence with other people I can handle. And you know why? Because there are more than ten thousand voices in my head all the time, some talking, some laughing, some being mean, some cribbing, and some waiting for their turn to talk. And I can only hear them best when i write. Or sit down, pretending to write. Like now.
Its unsettling not being able to hear my own voice. To hear myself think. And thats why i try to write. In marketing classes, in boring journalism lectures, in whatever. I try to scribble random lines that sound beautiful and mean nothing. Its just a small way of keeping in touch.
Therefor, it is important that you dont take this blog post seriously. Or anything I say, write or feel seriously. I'm just doing it for practice so that I dont go deaf and empty. Like I'm likely to go very soon.

Silence. Painful. Painful.